Late Pregnancy Worries

This was written early last week, but I still want to document how I was feeling at the time.  I’m happy to say that this phase has too passed – phew (for now)!

These past few weeks have been some of the most trying in recent memory.  Noelle has been extra clingy – she’s always been a mama’s girl, but I can’t even remember the last time she was this dependent on me (maybe 18-months?).  We are also dealing with multiple night wakings at the same time.  I feel like I’m at the end of my rope sometimes, and being full blown pregnant isn’t helping my cause.  She will not let me out of her sight, and I’ve told my husband more than once that sometimes I feel like I’m being held hostage.  One of her favorite commands is, “mommy sit!”

Because I’m so far along in my pregnancy now, I’ve been trying not to hold her as much, so she’ll get her dad to hold her.  Once she’s in his arms though, she’ll insist on holding my hand.  It’s not good enough if I’m just following behind, or in her line of sight, so I walk alongside her, hand in hand.  Yes it’s endearing, but it can also be exhausting.   Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, did I do something that made her need me this much?  Why isn’t she more secure?  I’ve done everything I could to protect her and love her, what more can I possibly do?  Where have I failed her?  I know one day I’ll miss this, but these days all I feel is exhaustion.  I feel nothing I do is good enough.

Noelle_hold_hand

Won’t let go of my finger

I also wonder if it’s because she knows she’s going to have to share my attention soon.  Can 2-year olds really understand what it means when we tell her she’s going to have a baby brother soon?  With the baby due soon, I’m getting really nervous about how Noelle will adjust.  I think about my desire to have another successful breastfeeding relationship, and how that will take up my time every other hour of the day; or how my husband and I will need to divide up the bath and bedtime routines, and I worry.  I worry she’s going to feel abandoned, or replaced.  I worry I won’t be able to meet all her needs when that’s all I want to do.  I worry she’s going to think she did something to cause this change, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.  Mostly, I worry she’s going to think I love her less and her brother more, when I already know that could never be.

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8 thoughts on “Late Pregnancy Worries

  1. It’ll be ok! I have a 26 month old and a 6 month old and had these same worries when I was pregnant. My 26 month old has adapted wonderfully to being a big brother. It’s a lot of work and my husband and I are often exhausted dealing with the needs of two young kids, but I’ve also been pleasantly surprised by how well the kids interact. My oldest occasionally acts up when we can’t pay attention to him because we’re taking care of the baby, but for the most part, he’s very attentive to his baby brother. He demands we pick up his baby brother if he’s in the crib crying and wants to give him kisses and hold him all the time. I don’t get the impression he feels any less loved. =)

  2. Claire went through the same exact thing a couple of weeks before Aerin was born (it’s like they KNOW!) and she still goes through phases like this. And you just wait till the little one is born…there will be moments when they both want mommy and mommy only, TO THEMSELVES, and you’ll want to rip your hair out. Unfortunately, there’s not much advice I can give aside from “roll with it.” It’s tough — believe me, I know! — but like practically every unfavorable aspect of being a parent, the good moments will more than make up for them.

    Keeping you and your fam in my prayers!

  3. Aww Ange, this post made me tear up! Noelle is probably sensitive to the coming changes and feel uneasy about it – change. It might take some time for your family to adjust, but i have no doubt you guys are A+++ parents. Best wishes on the new birth! ❤

    • Oh FayFay 🙂 You are always so sweet – thanks for the encouragement! I tend to anticipate things to be worse than they end up being so maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. Change is never easy. 🙂

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