Day 18 | A Picture of your Biggest Insecurity

Umm, I have tons – where would I possibly begin?!  Though I choose not to focus too much on them because I live by this quote, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself rather than a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland

“I yam who I yam and that’s all what I yam.” – Popeye

I will actually give you two insecurities – one related to personality and another related to physical.

I personally like being an introvert so that’s not the problem.  The problem is when I’m sitting around like a fool trying to rack my brain for something meaningful to say to fill in those awkward silences.  I hate that.  It makes me feel socially awkward and insecure.  Sometimes I’m relieved when someone else does all the talking cuz then I don’t have to.  So that’s my first insecurity…

As for a physical insecurity – though I’ve learned to accept (and even love) my body for the most part over the years, I still beat myself up every now and again.  I’m going to share this but it doesn’t give you the right to stare at it from now on, ok?!  =)  It’s the keloid I have on my chest.

It’s genetic, from my dad’s side of the family.  It only occurs if you are already genetically predisposed, and you happen to get some sort of wound in a keloid-forming area of your body.  Some people aren’t really discreet when they stare at it either, and I’ve even been asked more than once whether I’ve had open-heart surgery.  I should really make up a fun, interesting story about it!

*Sigh*, it’s not painless either.  It actually stings every once in awhile and I have to press on it really hard to stop it from hurting.  I’m grateful I didn’t need a c-section because I definitely would have ended up with a nasty, itchy scar for the rest of my life.  I just hope I didn’t pass it down to Noelle.

So there you have it… two of my many insecurities.  Now stop staring at me!

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Day 18 | A Picture of your Biggest Insecurity

  1. Ange, you’re so beautiful! And if i could look half as good as you after giving birth, I’d be happy! Postpartum, you look so amazing. You’re keloid is so cute. It can be Sam’s little pet like my half-toenail toe (which I was SO insecure about growing up. all cute shoes are open toe and i couldn’t wear them) is Tae’s little pet. I wish insecurities didnt have to loom about. And they seem worse when inside our heads. But we have each other to remind us that they’re not true! 🙂

    • awww why are you so sweet amy? hahaa i like that idea of making it a pet. maybe i will give it a nickname too just for kicks – “little keekee”. i’m a fan of your toe… tell him i say hello! *wave*

  2. I have one too!! darn our genes :(. I have two, one on my shoulder/back and one on my earlobe. My dad has it across his entire chest :(. He has to bandage it up, because otherwise his shirt will rub against it and it’ll hurt. I’m scared that I’ll have to get a c-section, because that’d suck. The one on my shoulder/back wasn’t even a wound, i don’t know really know how it got there.

    • how did ur dad get it across his whole chest?! i don’t think my dad ever had one, not sure… but i remember you telling me about the one behind ur ear (but it’s hardly noticeable)… didn’t know about the one on your back though! it’s a seriously sucky genetic trait =(

      • there’s smthg else behind my ear, but also something on my earlobe. dad has a huge scar across his chest from surgery years ago and it’s just been getting bigger and bigger. i think i’m getting one somewhere else now too, but not going to say where :(. haha!

  3. I’m also Asian and I’ve lived with my keloid scars for over 15 years; not realizing treatment is fairly simple; and painless. My dermatologist was able to “flatten” my two keloid scars, also on my chest, by administering a small steroid injection directly into the keloids; the second set of injections being administered 8 weeks later.

  4. Just want to say you are very beautiful mom. I am a mom of 7 month baby boy. I have chest keloid too, two under collar bones. They seem to keep growing. It is been 8 years so far, and it is very active after I delivered the baby.

    May I know if you had any treatment to your keloid? The color look close to skin color. How long have them been there? Do you feel they stop growing? If mine is like yours in terms of color, I will feel much better.

    May I also know how your keloid formed? Mine was from acne. Not sure if that is because I poked my acnes on chest.

    • Hi Flora! Thank you!
      For treatment, when I was young and dumb I did try laser and it made it bigger! Even though I *knew* it might, the dermatologist insisted that it would help treat it. I should’ve trusted my gut, but didn’t bc I was hoping for a miracle I guess. t heard steroid shots work, but I never got around to it and now that I’m a mom with kids out of the baby baby stage, I think I can finally make the time to see if regular steroid shots will work to at least flatten it out. Mine hasn’t grown much after pregnancy/birth, but I constantly get stabs of pain so I’m constantly applying pressure on it with my hand. Mine began with a pimple too that I picked at! Your story sounds just like mine. I had no idea I would be prone to keloids until that happened. I hope you’re able to find something that works for you – when I look at internet pictures I’m amazed at how severe some people have it… so I guess I should be thankful that it isn’t much worse than what I have. I’ve kind of accepted/gotten used to mine after all these years. Mine appeared in high school – I was 16, so it’s been 15 years now!

      • Angela, I am chinese and got my first one at 30 years old. It’s been 8 years. I did treat with steroid shot (kenalog/triamcinolone) for total 3 times or so. However, it is not effective. Moreover, my keloid seem to be more aggressive afterwards. I also end up getting another 3 extra keloids on chest, of two are very close the big one. I have 4 chest keloids, the biggest one is 2.4 x 0.8 cm, the next is 1.0 x 0.4cm, 0.8 x 0.2cm, and 0.45cm round one. Doctor did acknowledge steroid will trigger more acnes, which is potential for keloid. I don’t recall scratching or poking the other three, but they formed keloid, which I blamed steroid injection for. Injection itself is also trauma to skin, isn’t it?

        May I know how big are yours, and what is the growth rate? Since May, I observe the growth rate of my big one. It is 1 mm each month. I really hope it can slow down. I am very watchful for my diet and everything else. I am OK to accept my keloid as it is, but the fear of it growing kind of depress me.

        The recurrence rate for injection is 50% or even higher. But different people respond differently. Yours look mature to me, and color is more blended to skin color, while mine is flesh color. If it is kind of quiet/mature, I am not sure worth the risk to awaken it and create new skin trauma. Have you tried silicone gel sheeting? That is risk free (no adverse effect), and possibly flatten the scar a bit, although it might take a long time. Almost all keloid treatments have high risk, if not success, then make things much worse. Otherwise, I will be willing to spend money and energy to try each.

        I saw you hope it does not pass down to child. I am quite concerned about that too. No one in my family (parent and their parents) had it. Mine could be gene mutation. It is so easy to get keloid. I also have a baby boy. Sometimes I wonder how I will raise him, as even sports might create skin trauma. Now days my chest keloid is tender to touch. I can’t join any group sport nowdays to avoid shoveling or being hit by something. As I am women and do not care so much about sport, but what about guy? Keloid is not just a cosmetic concern, but involving pain and itchiness.

        Would really love to chat with you more on this separately. My email is florayeah@yahoo.com

        Drop me a line if you like to. I see that you are a wonderful mom by reading your blog.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s